dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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