I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
