So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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