Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
