I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
