I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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