I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
