I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
