booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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