you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
