i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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