She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am midnight drunk by noon
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
