So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
