ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
