It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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