Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
