i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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