i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
