we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
