I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
