well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
