New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
