the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
