Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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