Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
