Say something about gay babies.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
