He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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