Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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