just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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