He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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