i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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