His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
