I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
