the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
