Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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