I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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