Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
