I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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