Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
