I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think my vagina is haunted
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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