I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
