I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
