shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
