would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
