i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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