dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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