dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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