this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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