My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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