What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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