Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
